merry Christmas, y'all!  I wrote a fic.

title: past and pending
fandom: threesome
rating: R-ish
wordcount: ~2500
a/n: this fic goes out to ms. deelaundry   who wanted me to write more Threesome :D I was thinking about how weird Eddy's interaction with the Lobby Lizard had been, so I gave him another character to be weird to.
Eddy/Stuart, Eddy/OMC, sex and language, unbeta-ed

Eddy can't stop sabotaging his life.



then the grinning mirror trembled with such violence that it slipped from their hands and fell to the earth, where it shattered into hundreds of millions of billions of bits, or perhaps even more. And now it caused more trouble than it did before it was broken, because some of the fragments were smaller than a grain of sand and these went flying throughout the wide world. Once they got in people's eyes they would stay there.
– The Snow Queen

***


Sometimes, Eddy sees Stuart between classes and their arms shoot up in awkward waves.

Stuart smiles at him in a way that makes Eddy's face ache in sympathy. Between teeth, they say, "How's it going?"

Then Stuart says, "We haven't hung out in forever, man."

And Eddy says, "Yeah, yeah. We should get together."

And Stuart says, "We should."

But then they don't. They never do.

***

Eddy's living in a new dorm block, second floor, in a single.

"It's nice," he told Alex once, when they met for lunch. "Different."

"Make any friends on your floor?" she wanted to know.

"Not really," he said, "Everyone's pretty friendly but…"

Alex held his hand across the table and kissed him on the forehead before she left. She looked different than he'd remembered her, like there was somehow more of her, like she had more of a presence.

Then he realized that maybe, the whole time he'd known her, he'd just been comparing her to Stu.

***

Eddy has made a new friend, though he's not sure if that's the right word.

The guy across the hall is a junior, but he's got almost a year and a couple of inches on Eddy. His name is Gene, and Eddy thinks, like in A Separate Peace? Because it seems like a fair comparison. At first Gene seemed like the dark and brooding type, but now when he sees Eddy, his face lights up like it's Christmas.

Eddy might find it flattering, if he could make himself care.

But this year is about one thing: making it to graduation. He's pretty sure he's not going to find anything better than last year; his college experience has peaked already and it's all downhill from here.

Alex thinks he needs a boyfriend, which is why he couldn't tell her about Gene.

The truth is, Eddy can't even look at Gene, because he's still thinking about Stuart.

But that doesn't stop Gene from knocking on Eddy's door and inviting him downstairs to play pool in the rec room. Or just stopping by to perch on the corner of his bed, making small talk, while Eddy tries to make heads of tails of Michel Foucault.

"You're always doing homework," Gene says, "Don't you ever take a break?"

Foucault always makes Eddy want to rip his hair out, so he has no qualms shutting the book and nodding at Gene.

"Pool?" he asks.

When Gene smiles, Eddy notices for the first time that he's got full lips like a girl. And he supposes he should find this attractive. "I've got a VCR in my room," says Gene, "Wanna come over and watch a movie?"

Eddy shakes his head without thinking that it might be rude. "Sorry I don’t, uh...have that much time. Not right now."

Sometimes a movie's just a movie, but he isn't ready to take that chance.

***

Eddy still has these dreams about Stuart. They aren't even erotic dreams really, though sometimes there's sex.

They're about the day after Alex moved out—always that one crucial day. It was a painfully awkward day (they were painfully awkward dreams) where Eddy did everything he could to keep Stuart from leaving too.

Everything but actually ask him to stay.

He'd really fucked that one up, and his sleeping subconscious won't let him forget it.

***

Eddy sees Stuart again when he's waiting in line at the coffee cart. It's nearly freezing, and Eddy's got a hat and scarf and an oversized pea coat, then Stuart comes up and he's wearing shorts and sneakers.

Eddy can't help asking, "Aren't you cold?"

"Not really." Stuart laughs and tugs at his jacket. "How're you doing, man? I swear I haven't seen you in weeks."

Eddy thinks it's probably been longer. "I'm good," he says, "You?"

"Great, great. You going home for Christmas?"

"Not this year," Eddy says. "It's not a huge deal for my family. You going home?"

"Nah, my mom's visiting her sister in Arizona. So I'm gonna hang here and party." Then Stuart grins like he's got a great idea. "We should hang out," he says, "since we'll both be in town."

"Yeah, yeah, we should," says Eddy, because this is what they always say.

"I'm serious. How about Tuesday? I'll bring some beer over and we can catch up."

Eddy isn't sure what to say, so he just says, "Okay."

***

Since moving into a single, the amount of time Eddy spends with his his dick in his fist has increased exponentially. That realization doesn't really bother him; the only thing that bothers him really, is that even when he's trying not to, he'll slip up and think about Stuart.

Stuart, fucking him against the cheap stucco of the dorm room wall.

Stuart wrapping his hand around both their cocks in the shower.

Stuart, biting a spot on the back of his neck until Eddy couldn't stand it anymore and had to beg him to stop.

The big problem, Eddy supposes, is that these aren't fantasies but memories.

Yeah, having sex with Stuart was a stupid thing to do, but Eddy wasn't even sure that the power of that decision was in his hands. Like, maybe it was fated somehow. Alex and Stuart and Eddy—they'd exhausted all the other possibilities.

Eddy wishes he could say it seemed like a good idea at the time, but the truth is it didn't.

It just seemed like the only idea.

***

It's snowing outside and Gene can't keep his hands to himself.

Eddy doesn't have homework to hide behind and it's strangely tiring, saying no, no, no all the time,

so this time he doesn't say anything.

Eddy figures this is a close to a slow seduction as he's going to get, and supposes it should feel good—to be wanted. So he lets Gene kiss him, lets him run a hand up his thigh. It doesn't feel bad, but it doesn't feel like much of anything.

Only when Gene starts messing with his zipper does Eddy manage push his hand away and say, "Not now."

It would be so easy, just to lie there and let Gene do whatever he wanted, and it would be out of Eddy's control and he wouldn't have to worry.

He knows somewhere in the back of his mind, that he won't be able to say no again.

"You really should give up on me," he tells Gene.

Gene shrugs and moves his hand to Eddy's stomach. "Don't want to."

Eddy is sure Gene thinks he's close to getting what he wants.

And he's right, he's right.

***

Eddy has the dream again, the night that Stuart is supposed to come over, but doesn't.

Everything is just like it was: Stuart's unmade bed, Eddy's poster of The Scream, empty beer bottles lined up on the window sill.

Stuart is definitely drunk, which wouldn't be weird, except that he's also crying.

Eddy wonders if Stuart's mourning Alex, or if he's just drunk-stupid, or if it's something else entirely.

Stuart's hand is grabbing his sleeve, Stuart's face is contorted and streaked with tears and he asks, "Can I fuck you? Can we…please?"

And Eddy always knows he should say no and he always says yes.

It doesn't matter anyway, because it's just a dream in the morning.

***

The dorm really empties out around the 20th, and it's just him, Gene and a girl named Evelyn on their floor. Eddy doesn't see much of Evelyn, but he doesn't really leave his room either.

Eddy figures that the fact that Gene's always coming in his room, and not the other way around, says something telling about their relationship (if you can call it that), or maybe about him. He usually makes Gene leave the door open, so things can't go too far, so he'll have an excuse, but this time he lets it close behind them.

Gene pushes him against the door and Eddy slides his hands inside Gene's bomber jacket. He's warm; it's impossibly warm shoved up against the door. Gene's mouth is warm too and Eddy thinks, ok, I can do this.

Gene pulls away and says, "Can we…?"

And Eddy says, "Sure."

He's decided that he'll let Gene fuck him, if Gene wants to.

Most of their encounters have involved making out on the bed anyway, for the simple reason that in a dorm room there was nowhere else to sit. So even if Eddy thinks he should be nervous, it feels normal to be lying on his back with Gene on top of him, with Gene's mouth covering his. Gene tugs at Eddy's t-shirt and they take it off so Eddy can feel the rough flannel of Gene's shirt against his skin.

Eddy lets Gene undress him like a doll until he's down to his boxers, then Gene starts stripping off his own clothes too.

When Eddy feels Gene's mouth on his hip, he asks. "You've done this before?"

Gene laughs like it’s a stupid question. "Yeah. You?"

"Yeah," says Eddy.

He wonders if Gene feels cheated that he's just going to lie here, or if that's how Gene wants it to be. Eddy closes his eyes when he feels the hand between his legs.

Maybe Gene can fuck some sense into him.

...

Then there's someone knocking on the door. Eddy's eyes snap open and he thinks, wait, what the hell am I doing?

"Stop," he says to Gene, and he rolls off the bed and slips his pants back on.

He wasn't expecting anyone, so this must be like a sign from God or something saying hey, don't fuck Gene or you'll regret it.

But it's not a sign from God; it's Stuart and a six-pack of beer.

"You look surprised," Stuart says. "Were you sleeping?"

Eddy runs a hand through his hair and almost laughs when he realizes Stuart seriously thinks he was sleeping.

"I thought you were coming over yesterday."

Stuart makes a face. "Didn't I say Wednesday?"

"No, Stu…you definitely said Tuesday."

"And you didn't call me?"

Eddy shakes his head. "Hang on, let me find a shirt." But before he can close the door, Gene's right there behind him with a Eddy's t-shirt in his hands.

"Hi," Gene says coolly, "Who're you?"

If Gene looks intimidating, it's only because of his height. But there's a lot of it, and when Gene drapes an arm over Eddy's shoulder, Eddy sees something flicker across Stuart's face.

He would have really, really appreciated it if Gene would have stayed in the damn room.

"Oh, uhh…" Stuart grins a little. "I interrupting something?"

"This is Stuart," Eddy says.

"Who?" Gene asks and Eddy thinks, Jesus, the whole time he's known Gene has he really never mentioned Stuart? Then, of course he hasn't.

"Stuart," Eddy repeats. "And this is…Gene lives across the hall."

Stuart starts to hold out his hand but then stops. "So uh…" he says to Eddy, "you can't hang out?"

Gene's hand is resting against Eddy's chest and he nearly jumps when Gene's fingers brush his nipple. This is so wrong: standing in the goddamn doorway looking at Stuart while being groped by another guy.

"Give me a second," Eddy says, and shuts the door. He grabs his t-shirt back from Gene.

"You're seriously leaving?" Gene asks, sounding maybe…hurt? Eddy isn't sure, and can't make himself particularly care—which only makes him feel better about not going through with the sex. He pushes past Gene to his closet.

"I'll be back later," he says. "I promised him I'd hang out."

"You pining after a straight boy?" Gene asks moodily.

"No!" Eddy yanks a denim jacket and an overcoat out of the closet. "He's just an old friend."

"Right," says Gene, "whatever."

Eddy just leaves.

***

Eddy thought that maybe with the change of plans they'd hit a bar, meet up with some of Stuart's ladyfriends, but they don't. They wind up on the roof of their old dormitory, where Eddy honestly thought he'd never set foot again.

It's too weird, thinking of how other people must be living in their old rooms, leading lives that are different–normal.

But up on the roof it’s like nothing's changed, like the light flurry of snow has erased the past year.

It's freezing, but Eddy doesn't complain, even when his hand goes numb around the neck of a beer bottle.

"Can you believe we're gonna graduate?" Stuart asks.

"Finally!" says Eddy, taking another drink. "Damn, it seems like this year is lasting forever."

It's nice in a way, that they can sit here making small talk, or sit here and not talk. Eddy's watching Stuart's breath curl, all steamy in the night air. Then Stuart says,

"You gonna go home and fuck that guy?"

"What?" Eddy sputters into his beer.

Stuart just raises his eyebrows.

"Can we not talk about that, Stu?"

"He's not your boyfriend, is he?"

Eddy looks at his hands. "No."

"Well, he seems like kind of a loser, don’t you think?"

Eddy actually laughs at that, and Stuart smiles too.

"He does," Stuart continues, "And he's too tall. And you'll be committing dormcest, you know, if you go through with it."

"Jesus, Stuart!" Eddy laughs again. "Who're you to talk? You wrote the book on 'dormcest.'"

Stuart wags his finger. "Roomcest."

Eddy laughs so hard he almost falls off his milk crate. Stuart catches him by the shoulder.

"You're ridiculous," Eddy says, "I tend to forget that when I don’t see you for a whole a semester."

"Yeah?"

Stuart's fingers are digging into his shoulders through three layers clothing and Eddy thinks he can feel how cold Stuart's hands are. Eddy taps the beer bottle against his lips then sets it down on the concrete.

"We can't really be…can't go back to being normal friends, can we?" he asks.

"Speak for yourself," says Stuart, "I'm as normal as they come."

Eddy's laugh is quieter this time and he reaches out to bury his hand in the plush wool of Stu's scarf.

"Can I kiss you?" Eddy asks.

When Stuart doesn't respond, Eddy runs his thumb across the line of Stuart's mouth.

"Eddy," Stuart says quietly.

"Yeah."

"I'm sort of seeing someone."

Eddy pulls his hand back. "Oh."

"Yeah. Her name's Anna, and she's really nice and uh…you'd like her, I think."

"Oh," says Eddy. Somehow he doubts that.

Stuart pats Eddy's shoulder awkwardly, then they're just sitting there.

"So, um…" Stuart says finally. "Gene. Seriously. Is he nice?"

"He's okay."

"Maybe you should…maybe you deserve someone nice."

Eddy squeezes his eyes shut. "I really don't."

"Low self esteem," says Stuart.

"Something like that."

***

Eddy tries to walk back to his dormitory, but he winds up walking past it and then just walking.

His lips are dry and cracked, and he can't stop licking them, even though he's pretty sure he heard somewhere that you're not supposed to do that.

If Alex were still in town, he might go to her apartment, knock the door just to see...

Now he doesn't really know what to do.

He stops by some other college kids who're having a snowball fight, but they either don't see him or don't think he's worth throwing anything at.


He's thinking about Alex, and Stuart, and moving on, and how there must be something wrong with him because he can't.



When the snowball hits the back of his head, it's like the splinter of glass in his eye that's been distorting the world pops right now and he can see, he can actually see.

And suddenly, he's thinking about Gene.

His boots scrape the sidewalk as he turns and runs, shaking the snow from his hair and wondering how many ways there are to say you're sorry. Because he's going to need all of them.

***
fin


end notes:

I spend a good couple of hours looking trying to write the end to this story and couldn’t do it. Then I realized that was because I'd already written it. I'm totally a sucker for these open-ended endings and I couldn’t really find a way to close things with Gene that would fit with the rest of the story without writing like, an entire sequel. So yes, that is the end—seriously! Seriously.

This isn't really a Christmas story, but it is a winter one.

Two references in this one: The Snow Queen (that's the big one) and A Separate Peace. The mirror referred to in the passage I put at the beginning was an evil mirror created by a demon which distorted perception so that everything seen through it appeared evil or wrong somehow. Obviously, it was more the distortion than the evil I was interested in, but I do hope Eddy becomes less of a brat. <3

Feedback always appreciated!